Cutting Me Down

As I am coming to the end of the three month challenge to be less sarcastic and cutting with my words, I have come to realize that sarcasm is such a complex thing. Firstly, there are two different forms of sarcasm. There is the form of sarcasm where one is witty and use it in neutral situations to get a point across; then there is the form where one cuts down others with insults all dressed in suits and floor length gowns. The reality of our generation is that sarcasm is almost always used to insult each other. We tend to cut each other down and hide behind, "Well, I was just kidding", or "Why are you getting so upset?". I think many of us have lost the ability to be honest, because of sarcasm.

Think about it. When someone, usually a friend, of course, but not always, asks us how they look many people might snap off with, "ugly", "stupid", or whatever other thing that means the opposite of what we actually think. We follow it up with a haha and a just kidding, and then we call it good. Or when someone legitimately makes a mistake and we pipe up with "way to go smart one". They already feel bad for whatever the mistake was, and now, on top of it all, they have someone insulting them and dressing it up all pretty. Despite what we may think, this is cutting, it may seem to blow over easily enough but its still a gash left in the soul. It shatters confidence, both in ourselves and in those who do it to us. Sarcasm leaves wounds.

So how do we break out of sarcasm? Well, I think we start with being honest. We need to realize that we do live a sarcastic life. We also need to become aware of the fact that it really does hurt people. When we begin to realize how much we are unknowingly hurting people, well it becomes a lot harder to do it. Once you know how much you are hurting people, you have to make a choice to either knowingly hurt them with your sarcasm, or just stop using sarcasm. This was made real to me when this whole challenge was birthed. I had unknowingly been damaging my partner, Sarah. I had made sarcastic comments and some comments that I spoke to others out of frustration, and I hurt Sarah a lot. We had to have a mediator sit with us to help us resolve the conflict that had been sown.

The second key is accountability. During my challenge I have had people keeping me accountable. If I am caught being sarcastic or negative toward someone, I have to do push-ups as a consequences. When I first started I had to do a lot of push-ups and with some of the other things I have to do as an intern it could be quite taxing at times. Of course this consequence may not be for everyone, you might need something more drastic or something less physical to sort of motivate us to stop. I remember one of my mentors and confidants told about someone that he would literally punch in the head when he stumbled in an area of his life. Jesus told his disciples that if their right hand causes them to sin, cut it off (Matthew 5:30). Hopefully most of us wont need such drastic measures, but it gets the point across. Jesus was basically saying whatever it takes to stop sinning, do it. The phrase cut off is written as a command, it gives the sense of do it now, and do it once and for all. The first step to cutting off any bad habit is repentance; the second and equally important step is to have accountability.

I said in my introduction that sarcasm has left many of us unable to be honest. I think our society at times drives us to be sarcastic to diffuse uncomfortable situations. Men starting as boys are unable to tell a girl she's pretty, especially if she asks them. Instead they respond with no's or more hurtful things like, "No, you're gross". When they do become men they are stunted with sarcasm that even when they want to be real they can not because of habits formed in the past. Another example of honesty-lost is the inability to resolve conflicts because of sarcastic, cutting responses. Instead of just explaining how we feel we respond with things like, "well, I guess I'm just not good enough." which is neither true nor fair to the person receiving that kind of comment. -- I wanted to close with this idea of the dishonest root planted by sarcasm. Cutting and sarcastic talk will destroy friendships, it will create rejection in your family; whether you're at home with parents, a newly-wed, or a parent beware of the effects of sarcasm. You do not gain anything from sarcasm, so cut it out, before it cuts you down.